What Happend?

There was a time when I had all kinds of aspirations for myself, and I had plans of what I would be when I grew up. I had once wanted to be a make up artist, then there was a short time I wanted to be a dental hygienist, and how could we forget the year or so I wanted to be a teacher . . . What did I become? A mom - never on my list of things to be, or become. 

 

 

I'd like to say first that I love my girls. They have brought me so much joy and laughter, and I can't imagine my life now w/o them - but there are times when I feel like I've done nothing w/ my life and I've failed @ so many other things. 

 

I haven't finish college, and the times that I did go back I didn't finish. I worry to think what if something happened to Mark - What would I do? The other side is I feel like a failure. I mean what really have I done w/ my life? You don't have to tell me that being a mother is a full time job - I know - but what else is it that I'm good @, and I really enjoy doing? I wish I could answer that question, I wish I could figure out what my passion is in life . . . some times I fee like I'm just existing to take care of babies and thats it. It can also be a very lonely job, I don't like to be alone . . . . 

These pictures were taken over Thanksgiving - it was so nice to see my family and be together for a little while. Here is 4 generations of ladies - I have great examples of good mothers here and I hope that I can live up to be 1/2 of the women they are. . . . 

I just hope that I can over come these feelings of not 'belonging' and 'out of place' soon - I want to be more than just a mom I want to matter and contribute to something more than myself. . .