the news

This is for me to watch, read and remember these next 9mo! we are having another little one. I don't know how I feel about it right now, I don't know how I'm going to deal w/ this HUGE change thats about to happen in our lives in less than a year. I don't know how we will make it work, I don't know what to do! I've been in a haze the last week - w/ the surgery, and news, and results, and what not. I'm not ready for this, I'm not ready to be a mom again to a little baby, I'm not ready to take on this huge responsibility, I'm not ready to go through labor all over again, I'm not ready to deal and care for 2 little ones under 2! This wasn't how it was suppose to be. We were going to wait, we were going to have Kaia and enjoy her for a while, and then maybe in a few years have some more. What am I going to be doing w/ 2? It was the first thing I thought about this morning, 'what is it going to be like w/2? How will I do it?' I'm scared to death! 

Yesterday I was numb all day I think - today, I'm on the verge of tears every time I think about it. in only 9 short months I have 2 little babies to care for, and I'm scared to death!