Big Fears

As the time to welcome our new little girl is rapidly approaching, I'm becoming more and more anxious and very afraid! I'm now @ 33 weeks and the window of time is slowly running out, for me, to be calm. Not to ease any of my worries, Mark is gone for the next couple of days and all I can think about is -

'what is something happens while hes gone?!'

'what if I have to do this one on my own?!'

'what will I do w/ Kaia?!'

It didn't help too much that I tossed and turned all night thinking of this, and that Mark left very early this morning, which means I didn't sleep @ all, and was left to toss and turn by myself w/ all these fears running franticly through my head. 

My midwife did do an exam/test on me last week @ my visit to see if I might be @ risk for going early again - I haven't heard anything yet, I should give them a call . . .  - 

One would think that I might be @ ease a little knowing that my health care provider is taking measures to ensure we are aware of what might happen, or could happen, and possible to stop that from happening. 

But I'm not. 

I'm just as scared and afraid that something will happen before its time - and as for the rest of this week, I'm terrified that something will happen while Marks gone! 

Last time when Kaia was born, Mark was on his way out of town - I think he was going to KS, or  MO - for a conference. He was to fly out that morning, and I think it was about 30 min before he had to leave we both thought it would be best if he didn't - 5hr later we had a little girl! Having that in my mind isn't helping this separation for the next few days. 

No, I'm not having contractions, I have no other signs of labor - than HUGE knots in my stomach from thinking about all of the 'what if's'. I'm just afraid, and scared and worried and thats w/ Mark being in town, but now that hes gone . . . . I need to find something to do to distract me from these thoughts - Oh! heres an idea, maybe I should be praying about all this! hahaha 

On the up side of this week - I will be enjoying my mothers day gift from my wonderful husband this weekend, a prenatal massage! And lunch w/ some girl friends! Both good reasons to stay positive and not worry, right?