Sickies

At the beginning of this week things were off to a fairly good start. And then Tuesday came and that good running start we had ended. 

My poor little girls, my babies, are sick and very much under the weather. Miss Kaia had a bit of a fever last night, but 'Thank You Jesus!' she woke this am feeling back to a normal temp. 

By HIS stripes we ARE healed!

I will continue to pray and keep that as my mantra, as I did last night. I think I feel asleep praying every time I got up. And that was only w/ Kaia not feeling well, and Olivia waking as normal. Tonight, both babies aren't feeling well. I hate it for the little ones, when they get sick, it sounds awful and theres not much you can really do about it. 

'Keep them hydrated, humidifier going, and propped up to sleep if possible.' 

Never does my heart hurt for them like it does when they aren't feeling well, and 100%. Holding little ones, big ones, holding our babies when they don't feel well is like holding the world in my hands, and feeling it stand still. That feeling of nothing else mattering at that moment, than the helpless wee one holding on to you for security, and b/c they feel safe in that warm cradle of your arms is - for me - a great reminder at why I'm doing what I'm doing now, in this moment, being a mom. Being a SAHM - stay @ home mom. 

It seems that this profession comes under criticism far too often. And there are times I'm embarrassed to tell people what I do, b/c I feel like they think less of me. And maybe thats b/c I think less of myself, @ times, for it too. 

Let me explain

I didn't finish school, I wasn't much for academics - still am not - and I feel bad that I never did. My hope will be for our girls that they follow in Marks footsteps, got to school, finish, and do something you enjoy doing. I'm still not sure what I enjoy doing, or what it is I want to do when I grow up. 

Another part if me is terrified @ the thought of loosing Mark and me having to work to take care of us. What would I do? What would I do that would make money? My fear of failing my family, and not being valuable to us, as a whole, is a big thing for me. 

I know what I do is important, and of value to our family, but sometimes I don't feel like that. 

There is a message board I'm apart of on yahoo brought this to mind, and brought up my feelings of this subject. A mom, who works outside the home, had made the comment - in regards to sleeping -

' . . . Sleeping through the night may not be important to some parents but to working
parents who need to be alert and able to perform their jobs its extremely
important. . . . .'

I was kind of hurt, and angry at this comment. I work, I work 24/7/365! I don't get to leave work and go home, I don't get to take a quiet break for lunch, or step out for a quick coffee. No, I'm attached to 2 little girls all day. I also really enjoy being attached to them. When I'm on the train, or out by myself, I feel out of place, I don't know what to do w/ myself. I enjoy my job, I enjoy being @ home, I enjoy have this option, I enjoy playing and taking care of my own children. Yes, there are hard days, and trying times, but its my job right now in my life, and theirs. 

All this to say that being a SAHM is hard, and lots of work. But on these days, when they aren't feeling well, I'm glad to be the one to hold them, rock them, and care for them, even if I'm exhausted and feel like I could fall over any minute. This is my job, this is who I am right now in life, and I take pride in doing this. Or I should say I should take pride in doing this job.